I’m at home, feeling alone. I waiting for you to message me. It’s ridiculous. This lonely anxiety is ridiculous too, but it grasps me so strongly, that I can’t feel anything else. But I am still waiting for your message. If my phone vibrates, I am hoping that it is from you.

You only do what you want to do. You are emotional. You are real. You rejected me. And I still crave your love. You don’t do things to please others. Or if you do, it’s really obvious if you don’t like it. And you don’t love me. I know if you would ever love me, it would be real. It would be uncontrollable. Emotional. Obsessive. You couldn’t stop yourself, just as you can’t fake liking me.

I want you to fall in love with me so badly. Be crazy with me. Obsess about me. Hate me. Have any kind of passion for me, love or hate, I don’t care. As soon as I am starting to move on, you show up and show me a little bit of love. You are so adorable when you feel good. And when you talk to me excited, I know you are honest. When you show me a tiny bit of your love, I know it’s real. And that feels amazing.

You don’t like to be around people. I crave to be. If you would crave to be with me, that would mean the world to me. Because that would be real. I want to send you this song that you showed me. But I messaged you first too many times today. It’s embarrassing the way I need your love.

Most nights I feel waves of sadness. A grief of knowing that you will never love me the way I need you. You are in love with someone else who doesn’t love you back. Isn’t it funny? I crave your love because you don’t love me back, while you do the same but with somebody else.

Both of us are looking for something we can’t have. Neither you nor I would settle for something that is right there. And I am right here for you.

I want you to be so in love that you act insane.

I am looking at our pictures. It seems so unreal, so beautiful. You look adorable. I am so grateful. I am crying in the middle of my dark room. These emotions are beautiful. They are so sad. I am so grateful to feel them.

I am writing this so that one day you read this and think back to me, and to when we were together. And you would see how big of an impact you had on me, and you would feel the same emotions I am feeling. And you would love me. I am crying writing this. You are important to me. I want to be important to you. I want you to cry when you are reading this. These are so intensively beautiful and sad emotions. I want to show them to you.