I don't want to be not unwell

First of all, I find “unwell” such a great word. It’s clear, elegant, but straight to the point. It’s professional.

I don’t want to live on “easy mode”. I want the challenge – because if I can’t handle this, how will I handle the even harder challenges of the future? It means suffering alone when I could potentially be with someone who cares, or just buying the cheapest food when I could afford to have a nice meal. I want to be resilient. I don’t want to be spoiled. I don’t want to have it easy. That is not who I am. That is not what my values are. Being unwell made me who I am today. I don’t want to lose that.

If I can handle the toughest conditions, and be OK while doing it, imagine what it would be like at the best. I’m chasing the feeling of having 64 baked potatoes in your inventory and an automated farm at home. You know you’ll be fine.

“Imagine what it would be like in the best.”

Well, there is a catch. At what point will it be OK to allow myself to not challenge myself constantly? To let go? To “rest”? Before I get there, having it nice, or having it easy would not be too nice at all. Because I’d feel that’s not who I am.

Honestly, I like the idea of never stepping off the challenge. I want to build a gigantic potato farm. I want to have large chests full of stacks of baked potatoes. Maybe once I have that, I’ll feel OK about eating 10 of them.